How to build capacity when you feel unworthy

And why self-forgetting is the key to self-mastery.

Hi friends,

The past few months have been a whirlwind. My life has changed in more ways than one and I’ve been continuously surprised by new experiences, increased responsibilities, and complex opportunities. While I’ve always been open to new directions and a Guiding Hand in it all, I’ve been thinking about how a large part of the surprise element for me has been witnessing my own growth. In both small and large ways, I’ve expanded my capacity to do things in ways I could have never imagined. There are things I do now that I once resisted or feared and would think, I could never do that. And yet, I’m doing it!

I am assuming many of you have been in the same boat. Who I am today once seemed impossible to the person I used to be. And I am so in awe of these experiences that I want to share some of my learning about capacity-building with you. I hope some of these reflections will be of service to you.

The first thing to know about a process of growth is that it doesn’t always come easily. I often still wrestle with feelings of unworthiness and the sense that I’m not ready enough, wise enough, disciplined enough, or that I’m already too late for the ‘something’ I want. The paradox is that we only come to know our true capacity by moving forward despite those feelings.

One of the greatest spiritual truths I have discovered in life is that the less we look to our own capacities, and the more we fix our gaze on the powers of Divine assistance, or the Universe (whatever name you wish to ascribe to forces much more powerful than you), then limitless possibilities are ours. It’s not a human, earthly power I’m referring to, but the kind of power that can convert a “drop into a sea and the star into a sun”. It makes no sense but it is real. It is forceful and yet inevitable. And it’s much greater than our finite minds can truly comprehend.

THAT POWER.

When we give up to that power, the ‘me’ in the equation becomes less essential in the solution.

We spend so much of our lives measuring the size of our own cup — our talent, our confidence, our stamina — rather than trusting in the Source that can fill it. And that is a mistake. That resistance is where much of our suffering comes from. We forget, then, that capacity is not a fixed quality but something that is built, expanded, and stretched through reliance, effort, and time.

Capacity evolves

The point here is that the growing comes from the doing. Capacity isn’t something we have but it’s something we develop. The more we act, the more we learn what we’re capable of. No one truly knows their limits until they begin.

But not all growth is the same. Sometimes we build capacity in directions that drain rather than nourish us — in people-pleasing, in overwork, in conflict. Our energies are finite. So it matters where we choose to grow. An important question, then, that we must ask ourselves is: In what areas do I actually want to build capacity?

This is something I’ve been reflecting on lately. Am I pouring my energy into the kind of work, relationships, and habits that align with the person I’m trying to become? Or am I reinforcing capacities that keep me small or far from my higher Self, such as endurance for stress, tolerance for chaos, or skill at self-doubt? (IYKYK)

Capacity is sacred. It’s the architecture of our inner and outer lives. And every time we say ‘yes’ to something, we are choosing what we’ll become more capable of.

Photo by Julian Zwengel

When you feel unworthy

When feelings of unworthiness arise — and they always do — the instinct is to shrink. To delay, to perfect, to wait until we’re “ready.” But readiness is often an illusion. The only thing that builds readiness is motion. The path to capacity is paved with imperfect attempts.

For over thinkers like me, we may think a lot before we act. But, and I’m sorry to say it: you can’t think your way into confidence. You have to act your way into it. Each small step, like sending the email, trying the thing, expands your sense of what’s possible. And over time, those steps accumulate into quiet (or clear) evidence that you are more capable than you thought.

If unworthiness says, Who am I to do this?
Capacity replies, You’ll find out by trying.

When you feel stressed

Stress can distort how we see ourselves. It makes the horizon smaller and it tells us we’re not enough and never will be. But the paradox is this: growth doesn’t require that we feel serene or certain. Growth asks that we take one grounded step at a time. “Little by little, day by day”.

So when you’re overwhelmed, the best way to build capacity isn’t to do more. It’s to anchor yourself in alignment. To pause and ask: Is this the right kind of effort? The kind that expands me rather than empties me?

Rest can also be a form of capacity-building. Rest is essential restoration that allows us to hold more with grace. Don’t neglect it. Or it will call out for you.

The spiritual truth beneath capacity

At its deepest level, building capacity is not about self-enhancement — it’s about self-forgetting. One of life’s greatest spiritual truths is that the key to self-mastery is not self-fixation but self-forgetting.

When we stop obsessing over how worthy or unworthy we feel, how ready or unready we are, something shifts: we begin to act from devotion, not ego, and from service, not fear. The work becomes less about me and more about the light that wants to move through me.

That’s when real strength emerges: from surrender. Capacity grows most naturally when we forget ourselves in love, in purpose, and in the quiet joys that can only come and be sustained through contributing to something larger.

Photo by Josie Weiss

Some questions to hold

• What areas of your life are calling for growth right now — and which are simply calling for rest?

• Where might you be underestimating your own capacity?

• What would it mean to build capacity not for your own recognition, but for service?

• How might you act today as though you already trust the Source that sustains you?

A final note

Capacity is not revealed all at once. It unfolds as we show up — humbly, imperfectly, persistently. Each season teaches us that we can carry more than we thought, love more than we imagined, and rise after more than we believed possible.

My life, and I am sure your life too, is a testament to this reality.

And finally: when that voice of unworthiness comes, as it will, try and meet it with gentleness. The moment you take that step, you are no longer who you were because growth, after all, is evidence that grace has been at work. Growth comes from expanding the smallness of our own effort into something far greater than we could ever build alone.

I believe in you and in us.

Thank you again for being here, reading and sharing with me. I hope some of the above is helpful for you on your life’s journey and your soul’s unfolding.

With care,

Kat